A season of hope

Up until just the other day, I really haven't been looking ahead. I've been focused on today, the here and now, the immediate. To some degree, this has been a learning experience, and definitely a new way of thinking for me. Don't get me wrong ... I've always been a person who lives for today, that's why I don't have a million bucks in the bank and why I have more memories than bankroll. But this big C thing ... well it makes you stop in your tracks and take stock in what matters. And the chemo, that makes you ... forces you ... to live right now. I wake up feeling great and two hours later I feel like a steamroller has had it's way with me. So it goes.

But.

This next chemo treatment tomorrow is my last one. And for the first time since May, I feel like I can look ahead. Look forward to something. Like, I'm looking forward to getting hair ... I can't say "getting my hair" back, because I'm told that whatever hair that grows back will be different than what I used to have. That will be interesting for me and for my hairdresser!

I'm looking forward to eating ... really eating ... again. Especially a nice juicy steak and a big fat cheeseburger (not at the same time! I need to pace myself people!). I'm looking forward to spaghetti with marinara sauce. To wine. To a lovely green salad. To tomatoes in the summer.

While I've been undergoing these treatments, I've tried to maintain my sense of humor, so I have been able to laugh during this time and I thank God for that gift. I do look forward to more laughter than tears over the next several months and I look forward to sharing laughter and conversation over those tasty meals soon with all my friends!

Mostly, I look forward to getting my life back.