Being needy

My mother says that I had a mind of my own from the time I was two. She says I've always been independent, stubborn, decidedly individual. One of my best friends calls me “fiercely independent” and I strive to live up to that most days.

My dad was a firm believer in "if you want something then go get it, or want something done, then go on and do it." Like the time I was 12 and wanted the itsy bitsy spider on the wall of my bedroom to go away. I called him in to get it ... he said "get it yourself!"

On top of that, I am the oldest of four children and as the oldest it was thrust upon me to be the "responsible" child. That information of course was not translated to my siblings, especially my brothers who did not consider me to be the boss of them, even though I tried to be!

So you may be able to understand based on that little bit of info how hard it is for me to ask for help or to be the one in need. Throughout most of my life, if I needed something to be done, I did it, and because I'm so used to taking the bull by the horns myself, half the time I don't know what I need help with until I'm faced with that thing! And really, I like to take care of myself and to be self-sufficient. I don't find that a burden.

Sadly, these days, though I do need help with things, when people ask me what I need, well, I am so unaccustomed to being in need that I cannot answer the question!

What would help here I think is if people would give me a hint as to what sort of help they are able to offer. What's their strength, time availability, interest and energy level?

Sometimes my biggest challenge seems to be getting motivated! Other times my issue is that the drive to the store and back is more exhausting than the actual shopping is so maybe it’s “I’ll take you to the grocery store, or WalMart or the mall, or Target.” Or, like one of my friends has already offered to do, “I’ll come take out the trash.” Or maybe you can help hang my Christmas lights outside. Or, come rake leaves, or help clean up the side yard or move the old pots off the porch to the garage. Maybe you can just come and hang out with me for an hour and tell me stories about your life. Like I said, most of the time I can't name what I need, so if you tell me what you can, want or are willing to do, that will help me think of something I really do need done!

Cancer has a way of making you face things about the world and about yourself. You learn what you’ve taken for granted. You start considering what’s really important in the world. My friends and family ... you are what matters most and I can't thank you enough for your support over these last several months. Just knowing you're there ... that is enough!

Okay, so it’s hard for me to ask for help or to be the one in need, but I’m trying! Thanks to all of you in my life who are helping me to learn!